De moppenhoek
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
ONLY A FARM KID WOULD SEE IT THIS WAY!
When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard Is he here?"
“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,
mumbling to himself, when the young boy says,
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad,
about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs,
but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."
When you're from the farm, your perception is a little bit different.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.
"Is your dad or mom home?" said the farmer.
"No, they went to town."
"How about your brother, Howard Is he here?"
“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”
The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,
mumbling to himself, when the young boy says,
"I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message."
"Well," said the farmer uncomfortably. "No, I really want to talk to your Dad,
about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, then says, "You'll have to talk to my Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs,
but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard."
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8139
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Zoals Gerard Tenerife schreef: Het leven gaat door
Nog maar een kort grapje dan vandaag
-0-0-
Een al oud vrouwtje komt bij de pastoor biechten. Maar die kan niet goed met haar
communiceren om zij praktisch doof is.
Hij maakt haar duidelijk dat ze de volgende keer haar zonden maar op een papiertje
moet schrijven. Zodat het voor hem wat gemakkelijker wordt.
Bij een volgende keer schuift de vrouw netjes haar briefje tussen de gordijntjes door.
De pastoor leest het met volle aandacht en zegt: ''Wat is dat nu weer.
1kg suiker, 1 ltr melk, 1 pak bakmeel, eieren?''
''Oh nee toch'' zegt de vrouw verschrikt ''Dan liggen mijn zonden nog bij de kruidenier!''
-0-0-
Nog maar een kort grapje dan vandaag
-0-0-
Een al oud vrouwtje komt bij de pastoor biechten. Maar die kan niet goed met haar
communiceren om zij praktisch doof is.
Hij maakt haar duidelijk dat ze de volgende keer haar zonden maar op een papiertje
moet schrijven. Zodat het voor hem wat gemakkelijker wordt.
Bij een volgende keer schuift de vrouw netjes haar briefje tussen de gordijntjes door.
De pastoor leest het met volle aandacht en zegt: ''Wat is dat nu weer.
1kg suiker, 1 ltr melk, 1 pak bakmeel, eieren?''
''Oh nee toch'' zegt de vrouw verschrikt ''Dan liggen mijn zonden nog bij de kruidenier!''
-0-0-
Re: De moppenhoek
M'n vrouw zei vlak voordat ze boodschappen ging doen dat ze vanavond quiche wilde eten...
Dus zei ik dat ze moest oppassen geen verstandsquiche te nemen: die zijn vaak rot....
Dus zei ik dat ze moest oppassen geen verstandsquiche te nemen: die zijn vaak rot....
Oost, west...ook best
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
A 70-year-old bloke called Ross loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
'Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, F... it ….at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
'Pick me up.'
He looked around and couldn't see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.
'Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
'Nah, F... it ….at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8139
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
SPORTVERDWAZING?
Het lijkt er op, want wat te denken van die man
die een prostituee bezoekt en naarmate hij zich
verder uitkleedt allerlei getatoeerde merknamen
onthult. Linker schouder: Kappa, rechterbovenarm,
New Balance; borstkast, Puma, vlak boven zijn navel
prijkt Nike en op zijn jonge heer staat Aids! ''Ho, ho,''
zegt ze, ''daar begin ik niet aan! Zoek maar een ander!''
''Doe nou maar gewoon je best,'' zegt de man lachend,
'''dan zul je zien dat Adidas staat.''
Het lijkt er op, want wat te denken van die man
die een prostituee bezoekt en naarmate hij zich
verder uitkleedt allerlei getatoeerde merknamen
onthult. Linker schouder: Kappa, rechterbovenarm,
New Balance; borstkast, Puma, vlak boven zijn navel
prijkt Nike en op zijn jonge heer staat Aids! ''Ho, ho,''
zegt ze, ''daar begin ik niet aan! Zoek maar een ander!''
''Doe nou maar gewoon je best,'' zegt de man lachend,
'''dan zul je zien dat Adidas staat.''
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8139
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Zegt een collega op het werk tegen een andere collega:
''Wat heb ik nou gehoord, is je vrouw 25 jaar ouder dan jou?''
Zegt die collega: ''Gewoon een misverstand. Ik kwam haar eigenlijk
om de hand van haar dochter vragen, maar ze liet me niet uitspreken.''
''Wat heb ik nou gehoord, is je vrouw 25 jaar ouder dan jou?''
Zegt die collega: ''Gewoon een misverstand. Ik kwam haar eigenlijk
om de hand van haar dochter vragen, maar ze liet me niet uitspreken.''
- HENK HERMANNS
- Berichten: 425
- Lid geworden op: 19 feb 2011 14:29
- Locatie: KERKRADE
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
Subject: "Never Squat With Your Spurs On!" -
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot, Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political/country/cowboy sages ever known.)
Some of his sayings:
1 Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2 Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3 There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4 Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5 Always drink upstream from the herd.
6 If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8 There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9 Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n than puttin' it back in.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER …
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra …
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eight ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash in Alaska with bush pilot, Wiley Post, was one of the greatest political/country/cowboy sages ever known.)
Some of his sayings:
1 Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2 Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3 There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4 Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5 Always drink upstream from the herd.
6 If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7 The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.
8 There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9 Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n than puttin' it back in.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER …
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me. I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra …
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it’s such a nice change from being young.
Eight ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.